Archive for November 12th, 2010

12 Nov 2010


5 Comments Personal Crap

I think women are cool. Wait, let me try that again. Women are so awesome! Ahem. Women. Whoo! They are the BEST!

Okay, I’m not gonna lie. This whole “liking women” thing is relatively new for me. We’re talking about 10 or 12 years now. Before that? Me no likey women. Me no likey women at all! There were some women I liked, of course. My mom seemed okay. I had a few girlfriends I adored. But, for the most part, I thought chicks were lame. I’ve always surrounded myself with boys, and I still do that a lot. But before, when I didn’t like women, I had a pack o’ boys around me all the time to protect me from them.

Looking back I’m now fully, and sadly, aware of why I was so opposed to getting to know womenfolk. Deep breath here. I didn’t like myself.  I really, really did not like who I was and so I didn’t like seeing that in other women. I also felt very insecure, jealous, and uncomfortable around girls who were too much like me, or funnier than me, or prettier than me, or skinnier than me, or more feminine than me, or more successful than me… Are you seeing any kind of pattern? So I would instantly pass judgement on any female I met. “I don’t like that girl. She’s so… Blah blah blah”, fill in the blank with whatever I thought was too awesome about her.

I guess about 10 or 12 years ago, I started liking who I was a little more, and so I started seeing the good in other women. And then I really started getting it. Oh my GOD! Women are incredible! Look at them! They’re beautiful. They’re funny and smart and, wait a minute here, they’re very nurturing and they’re good listeners and they’re so unbelievably supportive! Look at them cook! Look at them take care of others. Look at them sip their wine or coffee or sparkling water with their legs crossed at a little cafe and laugh or cry or just commiserate!

Then I realized that I was seeing all this good stuff in myself and it was making me see it even more clearly in these other women, and it all made so much sense. I’m so very sad for the girl who didn’t like other girls because she was so insecure and self-loathing. I’m sad for the friendships I missed out on because I was judging so harshly. But I am so very, very happy for the woman I have become who sees the absolute, pure magic in other women. I really never thought I’d be that person. And I hope and pray that I continue to meet more and more of these fantastic creatures and that I get to share with them and hear their stories because, you know what?