Archive for November 15th, 2010

15 Nov 2010

Marry Me, Or Else! (Part 1)

7 Comments Personal Crap

I was never the girl who daydreamed about getting married. Never really thought about it at all. It’s odd because my parents had such a beautiful marriage, you’d think I would’ve been chomping at the bit. But maybe it’s the girls with the not-so-good-marriage examples who are constantly hoping for an escape from their lives into the arms of a man who will take care of them.

I’m not saying I didn’t have boyfriends. I always had boyfriends. I’m a serial monogamist. But I never really thought about marriage as a final step to a relationship. I probably thought I wasn’t the marrying type… Until I met and moved in with the man I did marry. It’s a sordid tale. Wanna hear it? Well, I’m telling you anyway.

Russ and I met when I was an actress on Mad TV, and he worked in production. He didn’t have the best impression of me at first, because of a series of situations that made me look like an ass-kissing, alcoholic, party animal, diva. I am, for better or worse, NOT any of those things. I hate to kiss butt, I can barely get through one glass of wine, I’m a home body who hates parties unless I get to wear sweats, and, oh wait, I guess I can be a diva when given the opportunity. But I’m rarely given the chance, and to be fair, I’m more of a mild princess than a diva. So, no. I am none of the above.

Well, when Russ found out I was none of those things, but actually an adorable, sweet, down-to-earth, Jewess with a penchant for ordering take-out and watching TV, he fell in love. And I fell in love with him for being the Oregon-raised, funny, sweet, writer-type Goy guy with a penchant for take-out and watching TV. We couldn’t get enough of each other and moved in together after only 5 months of dating. We had been discussing it for about a month when my mom called one day and said, “Why don’t you two save some money and move in together? Can you believe your Jewish mother is saying this about you and your Catholic boyfriend?”

So, with Mom’s blessing and a desire to never be apart, Russ and I moved into a two-bedroom apartment in the building I was already living in. It felt good, bringing our things together in one place, putting away dishes and putting up the TV we’d be spending all of our non-sex time in front of.  But as I was unpacking the last box I felt a pang of, “Uh Oh. What did I just do?” All of a sudden I realized I had become the milk for free, and I would never be the cow for purchase. And that’s when I became the girl that had to get married as soon as possible. Poor Russ. He never knew what hit him.

I maybe kept it to myself for a week or two, and let myself enjoy the new dynamic. There I was, picking up socks and putting down toilet seats. Making dinner and ordering in. Waiting for the tell-tale key in the door when Russ came home, and excitedly jumping up to greet him. And then the words came tumbling out of my mouth before I had the chance to stop them: “Whendoyouthinkyou’llaskmetomarryyou?” I don’t think he heard because he just stared at me. “When do you think you’ll ask me to marry you?”, I said slower.  “Um, I hadn’t really thought about it”, he said. Oh god. Oh no. It’s over. He doesn’t want to marry me! “Is this something we have to decide now?” “No! No way”, I said. “I don’t even know why I just asked you that. I think it’s the whole, ‘living together’ thing. No biggie. Do you want Chinese or pizza?”

Two weeks later, it was the same thing. Then two weeks after that and one week after that. Russ finally said, “Can we give this a rest and enjoy living together for a minute?” To which I replied, “I don’t think this was the right choice for me. I feel like this was a mistake and now you’re never going to marry me.” WHAT WAS MY PROBLEM? All of a sudden marriage was the only thing I could think of! Russ said he wasn’t “financially” ready and that he was committed to me forever no matter what, so why not wait? I said “finances” had nothing to do with anything and what was the point of waiting anyway? Why not just get it over with so we could move on with our life together?

Clearly, it all ends happily because it’s 12 plus years later and I just picked up our son from school, but there is definitely more to this story which I will tell you tomorrow.

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