Archive for November 18th, 2010

18 Nov 2010

38, 39… 40!

11 Comments Personal Crap

My birthday is looming. I’m going to be 39 on Tuesday, November 23rd. It’s my last year before 40. When the fuck did I become an adult? Seriously. I’m not kidding. How did this happen? I have a kid. I’ve been married 10 and a half years. I pay bills and own a house and bag boys call me ma’am.

I remember my dad saying to me many years ago that in his head, he stopped aging at 26. He said he always felt 26 and never thought he was a day older, until he looked in the mirror. I can totally relate to that. And, I don’t know if it’s the power of suggestion, but 26 is the age I feel, too. I’m happier now than I have ever been in my life. I feel secure, proud, self-aware, and fulfilled. But I just don’t understand how I’m almost 39. I know it’s “just a number” and all, but it’s a number that represents the fact that I’m getting old, um… older.

So, this upcoming birthday is making me think of things I miss from my younger days. I really don’t look back that much, because of how good I feel about my life now. But I thought it might be fun to remember things I used to do, that I might do again someday, like when Garrett is in his 20’s.

*In my mid-twenties I was in a morning bowling league with my mom, my best friend (at the time), and her mom. My average was 147, but I often bowled in the 170’s. I enjoyed watching the women bowl, most were in their 50’s or so. And some were drunk by 9:00 AM.

*In my early twenties, I used to wait tables until 1:00 or 2:00 in the morning, then go out for Grand Slams and coffee and stay up until after 4:00AM and sleep until noon.

*When Russ and I first moved in together, we would walk to Jerry’s Famous Deli for late-night meals a couple times a week. I’d eat a chocolate chip danish from there almost every night. If I did that now, I’d be three sizes bigger.

*Russ and I would spontaneously go to Vegas for a few days at least four times a year. One of us would say, “Hey! You wanna go to Vegas tonight?” And the other would say, “Uh, Yeah. Do we have anything going on in the next few days?” Then we’d realize we didn’t. I’d get on line and look for a deal, we’d nap and at 2:00AM, we’d drive to Vegas. We’d get there around 6:00, have breakfast, get our room , nap and gamble, eat and play for a couple days. Good times.

*I used to watch TV for hours on end. Oh, wait. That was just a few years ago. I remember it fondly.

*I used to go to movies. Russ and I would go to a theater, get popcorn and sodas, and watch a movie. I’ve gone to three in the last two years. Garrett doesn’t like movies in theaters yet. Soon. Very soon.

*I used to go out “drinking”. My friends and I would sit at a bar, order a drink, and wait for guys to buy us more drinks. Then we’d eat and talk and maybe dance. Now I drink much, much less. And mostly at home.

*I would go to the beach and get tan. Really tan. I’d put on a freaking bikini and lay out in the sun for hours, with a boom box, some junk food and SPF 4 or baby oil. Those were the days when we didn’t know how bad that was for you. I kind of wish we’d never found that out.

*Parties! I was always going to, or hosting a party. They were happening all the time! Even weeknights! Booze, chips, dip, loud music, making out… Constantly.

*I was on stage all the time. I was always in a show, especially during the summers. I’d write and perform with a group of friends in a theater we’d rent and almost always sell out. I was so creatively driven back then.

Now that I’ve typed all that, I’m feeling even better about NOW. I like this time of my life a lot better. But I did love the times before. It’s nice to know that, through each phase, I’ve been happy. I’m blessed that way. And I’m sure when G is older, Russ and I will go back to doing some of those late nights and spontaneous Vegas trips. But I am so grateful for what we do and where we are now. And I certainly don’t want to rush to the next phase. Okay, 39. Bring it. I’m ready for a beautiful year.