29 Nov 2010

Dad

16 Comments Personal Crap

I close my eyes

and there you are

asking about my day, my life, your grandson.

Your soothing voice calms my fears,

tells me everything is better than good,

makes me believe in my dreams.

I close my eyes and there we are,

me as a child asleep on your shoulder,

but not really. I’m pretending because I love to be held.

You tuck me in and tickle my back,

mom by your side,

you offer soft words of “goodnight” and “I love you”.

I close my eyes

and there you are

at Thanksgiving, my birthday,

all the things you’ve already missed.

I didn’t even mention you because my heart hurt so badly.

I close my eyes

and there we are

In New York, Massachusetts, Philadelphia.

I’m twelve and I’ll remember it forever.

You know me so well.

I’m Daddy’s girl.

I’m so much like you

in so many ways.

I close my eyes

and there you are.

In the army, at your wedding

pictures from before me.

Then I see you holding Garrett

tighter than you ever could.

I see you in him.

I see you.

And then I open my eyes

and you’re still gone.

I still can’t believe it.

I close my eyes again.

written by
Lisa Arch likes being a working actress... but LOVES being a Mom!

16 Responses to “Dad”

  1. Reply Koch says:

    If you weren’t weeping while you wrote this, I was while reading it. It’s a beautiful thing what you can do with words, Lisa.

  2. Reply Laura says:

    Beautiful sentiments Lisa. Always remember your feelings are never wrong, they are your feelings. My mother has been gone 4 years and my father 30 years and there are still times I am overcome with fresh grief and can’t speak of them without the tears flowing. Other times, I can just enjoy the memories. You will always miss him, but he will forever be in your heart.

    • Reply flawlessmom says:

      Thank you, Laura. I’m always surprised by the tears that come when I’m not expecting them. I know it’s because I love him so much. I know I always will. Even, like you, after 4 and 30 years.

  3. Reply Andy says:

    I wish you had a “like” button here. Beautiful.
    X

  4. Reply Myranda says:

    Oh my goodness, Lisa! That was absolutely beautiful! I could barely see by the time I got to the end because my eyes were full of tears! You are a beautiful writer!

  5. Reply Robb says:

    very beautiful… that reminded me of shortly after my dad died, I was taking a walk at a near by park where they have a memorial to the 13 or 14 residents of westchester county ny who passed away in 9-11, and on on one of the memorials their family inscribed the following saying for his children, which has forever remained with and comforted me… “When ever you need me, just whisper my name in your heart, and I will be there.”

  6. Reply AL says:

    It’s a beautiful thing, this love we can carry in our hearts…thank you.

  7. Reply Andrea says:

    I just tweeted you and thought I would check out your blog..

    So beautiful…I too have lost my Daddy, it will be two years in January. It feels like yesterday that I got the call. He had taken his life. He was trying to get out of a bad marriage and at that moment I guess that was the only answer. I know he wasn’t thinking of his children or grandchildren. I know he isn’t in any pain anymore, but it is us that suffer with the pain. I recently got married and although it was a joyus day, my heart hurt without him there. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of him or even “talk” to him. Like you, I was Daddy’s little girl. I put a picture of him in a charm and tied it to my bouquet so my Dad walked down the aisle with me. I know I am rambling, so I thank you for your beautiful words……

  8. Reply flawlessmom says:

    Oh my god. I can not even imagine how painful that must have been. Terrible. I’m so sorry. I’m very happy for your joyful marriage, and that’s lovely what you did with your bouquet. Thanks for reading. Again, so very sorry.

  9. Reply Tracy K says:

    Silently sobbing as I rock Leah back to sleep while I read your extraordinary words. My heart breaks for you and all I think is I hope I’ll be as good a parent as your dad. Giant hug and so much love going to you right now. This is my favorite post.

    • Reply flawlessmom says:

      That means so much to me, and I’m sending you so much love right back. I know you’re an AMAZING parent. xoxo

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