17 Dec 2010

On the Fifth Day of Sickness…

6 Comments Health, Personal Crap

It’s Day 5 and I’m still feeling lousy. This morning my husband got up with G-Man AGAIN and handled everything. I got up just in time to see G ride off on his tricycle with Russ cheering him on. Then they came home and G got on his scooter for round two! I’ve done NOTHING in five days. NOTHING! Russ has fed me, fed Garrett, played, and done everything while I’ve slept or watched TV.

Okay, I had a meeting on Wednesday and I’ve done some dishes. But that’s it!

I hate feeling so detached. The TV-watching has been nice, because I never get to do that. But otherwise I feel helpless. I just spoke to my doctor who says I should expect a few more days of feeling like this, but that I don’t have to cancel my mom’s birthday dinner tomorrow night. Luckily, we’re going out. Originally I’d planned on cooking. That wouldn’t have worked out.

So, as I’m writing this I get an email that I’ve been “tagged” in a video on Facebook. This girl I went to high school with has been tagging me in these videos she’s making about her cancer. Her friggin cancer. She already had a mastectomy several years ago, but now her breast cancer has metastasized and she has it in her lung and her spine. She has a four-year-old son. We weren’t close in h.s. and I don’t know her at all for the past 20 years, but I know she’s a woman, a wife,  and a mom. And while  I’m here for five days complaining about a fucking cold, she just got home from having part of her spine replaced with titanium and is dealing with a life-threatening disease.

We, as a society, need to come up with a way to appreciate our health every second we have it. EVERY SECOND. How do we do it? Why does it take a massive illness to make us see? It shouldn’t. I know we’re human and we can’t live every day thinking about how tenuous our health is. But it is, damn it. And every day that we feel good, normal, and completely human is a day to be celebrated.

I watch her videos and think, “There before the Grace of God…”.  I pray for her and her family that she beats this. If you have an extra prayer, please do the same. And for goodness’ sake, please also thank God if you’re healthy and if your family is healthy. I’m doing that right now.

written by
Lisa Arch likes being a working actress... but LOVES being a Mom!

6 Responses to “On the Fifth Day of Sickness…”

  1. Reply Norma Lamothe says:

    I am sorry that you feel so bad. I hope you get to felling better real soon. Take care.

  2. Reply Christine says:

    OK, so I’m sure everyone is going to roll thier eys at yet another post about my cancer experience. But I can’t not comment on this one.

    I know how she feels. Terrified. Helpless. Angry. Determined. Depressed. And did I mention terrified?

    As a woman, wife and mom who has been in a similar situation, I can trluly say that the fear of dying, the fear of treatment, the fear of surgery, is NOTHING compared to the fear of leavng your children motherless. I would have suffered ANYTHING, but please God, do not leave my baby without her mother.

    I recall the absolute worst thing anyone has ever said to me was when my mother-in-law said, with a friggin smile on her face, “Stop worrying about dying. Katherine will be fine. She doesn’t need you, she has her father.” I can abso-fucking-loutely guarantee that those are words you should NEVER EVER EVER say to a mom who is dying. I have never been so ANGRY in my life. to this day, I struggle with my inability to forgive her for those words.

    So I get it. And whenever I hear of a mother who has cancer, or any other dis-ease that may take her from her children, I weep right along with her.

    And every day that I wake up and open my eyes and breathe and can take care of myself and my daughter, I am so damn grateful that God answered my prayers, sometimes grateful to the point of tears.

    So my prayers are indeed with your old classmate. And my get well wishes are also with you. Being sick enough that we can’t mother sucks whether its for a day, a week or a lifetime. So for every moment this week that you couldn’t mother your son, I share your sorrow and your frustration, and I support your right to your feelings and your desire to vent. May you feel better soon, and may you, and I, and all mothers, be healthy and grateful always.

    • Reply flawlessmom says:

      Perfect, Christine. I hope this Christmas is filled with all the joy you can handle (which I know is a lot!) My love to your whole family. Thank you for always reminding me what is important, and how precious this all is.

  3. Reply AL says:

    Reality of the “in sickness and in health” part of the marriage vow? :), it’s a good thing! I wish I could wave, for you, my “instantly well” wand, but it apparently needs recharging as I feel as tho I am coming down with something myself! (See how it is ALWAYS about me?) I do hope you recover sooner than your doctor thinks you will…(take those vitamins!)..it sucks to be ill anytime, but especially at this busy, fun time of the year!

    Re: wellness vs not. Why we don’t treasure our various states of wellness until we have lost or are in fear of losing it…don’t know. Human nature being what it is, we don’t think about being alone, losing loved ones, having a life-threatening illness or nearly losing our lives doing the most mundane, boring things! Life is full of reality checks, some more dramatic than others, but I think it is because we are not truly paying attention! I don’t mean in a self-absorbed way,..just the busy with the business of living life…our bodies do a pretty good job of dealing with “stuff” but sometimes, when we are temporarly laid low with a virus or two, is THE time to reflect on what and who counts in our lives and to ask for those blessings to continue.

    Friends who have shown me the way faith has shaped thier recovery and survival are very dear to me for more reasons than they will ever know. They are my proof that we should never allow hopelessness to enter into the conversation. Some of these friends were children who, through thier wise little souls showed me that self-pity has no place in thier “survival tool kit” and, although facing daunting odds, it is truly our family and circle of friends who sustain us. Summers spent teaching these little ones to ride horses was such a simple thing to me, but gave them another way to re-gain control over some part of their life… no small thing to them! Seeing how the children and horses responded to each other, in a natural setting, was empowering and forever changed my view of how to look at the challenges we all face. Continued blessings to all who are confronting devastating illnesses and gratitude for those transitory illnesses who are our reminders..not to whine, if at all possible, because it could always be worse! ( Sorry for the long post, I think I’m feverish. 🙂

    • Reply flawlessmom says:

      I like your feverish comments!! If a virus here and there will remind me of how important our health is… I’ll take them! I have to say though, I’m finding myself more and more aware of the blessings of health and life in general. Every moment is so special, no matter what is going on. I’m grateful for every day I get to be healthy and be with my family. I pray we all are given long, healthy, happy lives filled with great joy and love.

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