Archive for April, 2011

30 Apr 2011

Flawless Saturday Question

21 Comments Flawless Saturday Question

What do you want to know???

I’m exhausted.

It’s my 11-year anniversary, I was a drag queen for many hours today at a Clean house yard sale, and I was up for quite a while last night with my son.

So, you know what? Today I want YOU to ask the FSQ. That’s right! NOW is the time to ask me anything you can think of to ask. I know it’s presumptuous of me to think you’d have anything to ask me, but just in case… I’m giving you permission.

If there’s nothing you particularly need to know, just go on about your day. Or congratulate me on 11 years of marriage. Or make me a cup of coffee.

26 Apr 2011

G and Grandpa

16 Comments Family

Two nights ago, Grandma Joan cooked dinner for the first time since Grandpa Art passed away.

Russ, G and I went to her house for some tri-tip, broccoli, and kugel.

There was something bittersweet about sitting around the kitchen table. It felt odd and yet so familiar.

The food was good, the conversation lively.

After we ate, Grandma brought pens out for G to draw with.

As he worked, he uncapped another pen, then another. And as he was about to draw a new picture, my mother and I stared in awe as he meticulously arranged the caps, just so, side by side. My father did those sorts of things. He’d arrange his silverware before meals so the ends were perfectly aligned. My father is clearly alive in Garrett.

A week ago G said to me, “Mom, did Grandpa Art die?”

“He did”, I told him.

“He’ll be at Grandma Joan’s soon”, he said.

“I hope so”, was my reply.

Well, he showed up that night. He certainly did.

25 Apr 2011

Cat Woman and the Missing Jacket

18 Comments Family, Toddler

We’d made it all the way out to the car in the mall’s parking lot, upstairs outside of the food court, when I realized we didn’t have his jacket.


I was running late to get home to get ready for a thing I had to get to.

“Come on, buddy. We have to go find your jacket.”

“We lost it?”, he asked.

“Well, I’m sure it’s either in the playground or the burger place.”

“Cat Woman?”

“Yes, Robin?”

Lately I’ve been Cat Woman, Russ has been Batman and G has been Robin. I find it fascinating that he chooses to be the sidekick even when Russ isn’t with us. My son is nothing if not consistent.

“Will you pick me up?”

“Of course! Meow.”

G is big. He’s about 40 pounds, but I think every one of his pounds weighs a pound and a half. He’s solid. It’s getting harder to hold him for long.

I speed-walked through the mall, holding him in my arms, smelling his hair. I know it’s cliche’, but I honestly can’t help but do it when I’m holding him. I put him down to get on the escalator.

“Thank you, Cat Woman.”

“You’re welcome, Robin.”

“Cat Woman”?

“Yes, Robin”?

“Are we going to get in the Bat Mobile when we find my dressed?”

Sometimes G refers to clothes as “dressed”.

“Yes, Robin. We will.”

“Am I driving, or are you?”, he asked.

“I’ll drive this time and you can fight the bad guys from the backseat.”

“But all the bad guys are good now!”

“Oh! Then you can just tell me which way to go!”

“That’s a great idea!”

The jacket wasn’t in the playground so we walked to the other end of the mall to get to the burger joint. Again, he wanted me to carry him and I obliged. My arms were hurting pretty badly and I put him down once to rest them. But these moments are fleeting. And, just like breast-feeding and lullabies and baths in the sink… soon carrying my son will be a thing of the past. He’ll keep growing, and I’ll stay the same. Those physics just don’t add up to me being able to lift him for more than another year or three.

We found his jacket at the restaurant, and we ran side by side toward the Bat Mobile. Half way through the mall he asked once again to be picked up. I scooped him into my arms, continued to run, and got us into the car.

It is in these moments of “nothing special” that I find the most joy and melancholy. I am so hyper-aware of my good fortune, getting to spend time with this amazing child. And I am so aware of him speed-walking toward becoming a big kid, a young man, and then a man. I hold him in my arms, and he holds my heart in his. He always will. Even when he’s too big to pick up.

23 Apr 2011

Flawless Saturday Question

14 Comments Flawless Saturday Question

What intimidates you?

I had a read-through today for a show I’m doing next Sunday, called Listen to Your Mother. It’s a group of women (and one awesome man) reading essays they’ve written about motherhood.

I was a bit nauseous this morning and on my way to the rehearsal, nervous that strangers were about to hear me read what I had written. I was also worried that everyone’s pieces would be better than mine. Funny, smart, successful women intimidate me. Not in a way that makes me want to avoid them (thankfully), but in a way that makes me want to know what makes them tick.  I sometimes feel “less than” around them. I feel like I don’t do enough with my time, that I’m not ambitious enough, that I’m not… Interesting.

So I was a bit sick to my stomach on the way there. And then I decided to turn it around before I even turned the door knob. I decided that I’m also smart and funny, even if nobody else thinks so. I decided that I was asked to be a part of this group because I have something to offer, just like the others.

I decided not to be intimidated, but to be open. It was a good decision.

These women (and one awesome man) were talented and smart and funny. And I really enjoyed meeting them and hearing their stories. I look forward to hearing them again next Sunday, and hopefully spending more time talking to them.

Smart women (and men) are awesome. And I don’t have to be intimidated. I’ve been learning that these last few years.

So, who or what intimidates you?

22 Apr 2011


10 Comments Family

Wednesday at 5:48 PM, I got off the plane and walked as fast as I could toward baggage claim.

About 20 minutes prior, I had ducked quickly into the bathroom to see if I could do anything about the two pimples that popped up during my second flight, due to the 10 DAYS IN A ROW of very heavy makeup. Couldn’t they have waited until after my husband saw me for the first time in 2 weeks??

Figuring there was nothing to be done, I continued along my way.

At the end of the escalator stood my handsome husband with my beautiful boy in his arms.

They say kids change daily, and I swear it looked like Garrett had grown an inch and had become a college professor. As we waited for my luggage, Garrett charmed the executive producer of our show and met other fantastic folks I had worked with. He and I did some of our slo-mo boxing and were getting some weird stares.

In the car, G asked me to sit near him and even asked me to cuddle! That rarely happens. The car, by the way, had been washed and waxed. Nice.

When we got home, I immediately noticed it was spotless. Russ had spent a lot of time cleaning, doing laundry, shopping to stock the kitchen, and changing sheets. He and G had picked out some beautiful flowers for me, too.

Yeah, I have a pretty amazing husband.

The last two mornings, waking up with my family has been even sweeter than usual. G and I were up this morning alone for three hours, pretending to be bad guys fighting criminals, boxing, hanging laundry and laughing.

Now he and Russ are laughing and playing sword fight with baseball bats.

Tomorrow is the rehearsal for the Listen to Your Mother show. I can’t wait to meet all of these awesome women.

I’ll be working the next two weeks IN TOWN. I bet it’ll feel like an absolute breeze. And I’ll get to kiss my boys goodnight every night.

Counting blessings. This could take a while.

20 Apr 2011

Goodbye, Richmond!

7 Comments Career

Must finish packing and put on some makeup.

Leaving for airport in 40 minutes.

I truly thought we were never going to get to go home!

Yesterday was a 10 hour day. We finished everything up.

Did I tell you how GORGEOUS the house looks???

After work, came back to the hotel to pack a little.

Showered and lay down to read.

Was woken at 7:00 by the phone. “Are we going out?”

I rallied. Put on some makeup and comfy clothes. (I’m sick of heels and boots right now!)

A big group of us walked to dinner, then back to the bar across from the hotel.

Everyone was relaxed and happy, knowing there was no work the next day.

Many funny stories and laughs.

Back home and in bed at 12:30.

Woke up at 8:00.

It’s going to be a long day of flying…

But it’ll end in L.A. with my boys waiting for me.

I can’t stress enough how excited I am.

I don’t know how people go away for months… Even years.

It’s only been 12 days. Not very long. But it feels so much longer.

No more sleeps.

Okay… Maybe a cat nap on the plane.

Goodbye, Richmond!

18 Apr 2011

Richmond, Days 9 & 10

10 Comments Career

Last night I was far, far too tired to post.

Yesterday was a very long day.

It started out in the lobby for breakfast. There’s a man staying here who’s in his eighties and very, very Southern. He comes down every morning, in the same plaid shirt and tussled gray hair, to eat breakfast and talk to everyone.

I usually love talking to older people. They have such wonderful insights.

This guy, however, can not stop talking. He doesn’t even care if you’re listening. And I like a little peace in the morning. Just some cereal, some coffee, and some peace.

Yesterday was my breaking point. He followed me around as I made my breakfast, asking all sorts of questions and offering up anecdotes which seemed to have little or no connection. I pointed to my throat saying, “I have to preserve my voice because I’m losing it”, to which he replied, “Okay. I’ll talk. You just nod.”

I took my breakfast and practically sprinted to my room.

I then proceeded to work 12 hours.

Then we had a little party for the crew at the bar across the street from the hotel.

I hadn’t eaten in 8 hours so I, once again, stuffed myself with fattening foods:



pulled pork


fried zucchini

about 1/2 a beer

Nice work.

At the party I overheard a few other members of our crew talking about this “Southern Gentleman”. Apparently, he has quite a filthy side. I had only heard of his wife, kids, ministries and that he was writing his memoirs. These others were privy to him talking about sex, homosexuality, and the fact that he found my friend’s breasts to be quite attractive. Dirty old man.

Got about 6 hours sleep last night.

Ate in the lobby with my makeup and wardrobe friends and dashed for the door when we saw Truman Capote coming out of the elevators.

Spent the first 4 hours of work waiting for little things to be taken care of before we could shoot.

Took a peek at the house.


Shot reveal day for about 8 hours.

Wore a purple dress with 6-inch-heels and a very tight belt.

I wasn’t comfortable. But apparently I was cute.

Got back to the hotel and got to see my whole family on FaceTime as they sat down for Passover.

That was bittersweet. Wish I could be there, but was very glad to see them all.

Tomorrow we have a few  things to finish. Then hopefully time for a dinner and one last sleep at the hotel.

Just got my call time for the morning. I’ll be waking up at 5:30AM. That’s a little more than 7 hours from now, and I’ve yet to shower and wash off all my makeup.

Oh, well. I’m getting used to being tired.

So anxious now to go home. And the really good news is, when Garrett wakes up at 6:00AM on Thursday, it’ll feel like 9:00AM to me!

2 more sleeps. 🙂

16 Apr 2011

Flawless Saturday Question

14 Comments Flawless Saturday Question

Do you buy things at yard sales? Do you ever have yard sales?

Since I’m in Richmond filming the Messiest Home in the Country… I figured this was a fitting question.

I used to LOVE having yard sales. I’d even make coffee and buy donuts for my customers. I hated the haggling part. I could never understand that someone would walk away from something they really wanted because I asked for 50 cents, and they wanted to pay a quarter. I always stood my ground.

I’d rather give it to charity than sell it for nothing.

Clean House has sort of taken away my ability to do yard sales, kind of in the way “Mad TV” took away my love of costumes. I wore them too much in one year to ever want to wear them again.

I LOVE the Clean House yard sales, but I take my own stuff to Goodwill.

I don’t think I’ve ever made a yard sale purchase, but I have some friends who have gotten some treasures.

So… Are you a yard sale fanatic?

16 Apr 2011

Richmond, Day 8

11 Comments Career

Writing this, listening to the thunder and the tornado warnings. Warm from the margarita I just drank.

Just walked into my room thinking it was 8:00PM. It’s only 5:45.

This was a long day. Our crew has been working endless hours, and they don’t even have a bus to go to when they get a chance to sit down. IF they get a chance to sit down.

My voice is simply not holding up. I’m starting to sound a lot like Kathy Griffin. Which isn’t a bad thing.

Woke up at 6:00 AM. Every morning it takes a few minutes to really open my eyes. Good thing I set one alarm on my phone, and one hotel wake-up call. Smart.

In the shower at 6:10. Watched a little TV. G’s favorite movie was on: Ice Age, Dawn of the Dinosaur. Had to watch a few minutes.

Gathered my stuff and had breakfast in the lobby with the gals. I love the people I get to work with. I know I’ve mentioned that.

It was yard sale day. I wasn’t expecting a huge turnout. The weather is weird and Niecy’s not part of the show anymore. Neither are Mark or Trish…. So I thought some people might not come.

Oh my god. I was so wrong.

The crowd was HUGE. I couldn’t believe it.

Before we start shooting, Matt gathers the cast to rile up the crowd. HUNDREDS of them inside and many more outside. We do a chant. One half of the room saying, “CLEAN”, the other house screaming, “HOUSE”!

It’s goes on a few minutes. So great.

Yard sale opens and people come streaming in. The buying is insane, fast, and overwhelming… In a GOOD way.

People are giving more than we’re asking for because it’s for charity.

The Richmond people are LOVELY. There wasn’t one person I met who wasn’t kind, generous, and incredibly patient. They waited up to thirty minutes just to buy one item. Some waited longer for a picture or an autograph.

It was more fun than I had even hoped for. Non stop from 9AM to 2PM. None of us took a break. Too many people, pictures and sales. Best day yet.

Then, when everyone left and there was still stuff to shoot, I got so freaking tired I wanted to collapse.

Instead, I got a tad bitchy. Just a tad.

Then I got a drink and some BBQ, not to mention wonderful conversation. And met more delightful Virginia folks in line for food!! People TALK here. It’s a bit different in L.A.

And now I’m having tea.

I think a shower is in order. Some more tanning goop, and my pj’s and book.

Waiting to hear what time I work tomorrow.

Today was a great day. The people here made it so.

And we made a ton of money for charity.

More thunder.

4 more sleeps.

15 Apr 2011

Richmond, Day 7

6 Comments Career

Worked ten hours today. Not too shabby.

Found out there’s a storm a’coming. Hoping it doesn’t kill the yard sale turn-out.

Had a fitting for the yard sale because what we originally picked out didn’t work. I like what she picked out for me.

Because of the cumulation of lack of sleep, there was no way I was going to dinner after work.

Had a bowl of cereal when I got back to the hotel.

Took a scalding hot shower, because I’m weird.

Slathered (I mean seriously slathered) self-tanner all over my body.

Watched an episode of Two and a Half Men, because Jane Lynch was in it.

Put on PJ’s and walked to the lobby to get hot water for my tea.

Am still hungry but am forcing myself to not eat anymore, because I think I’ve gained three pounds in the six days I’ve been here.  Seriously.

Okay, maybe I’ll have an orange.

Watching Kitchen Nightmares, then getting in bed and reading.

Waking up at 6:00 to get ready for yard sale. (Which I’m looking very forward to. BEST part of shooting the show!)

Just read this back and realized how insanely boring it is. But it’s what happened, damn it!