Archive for July 26th, 2011

26 Jul 2011

Revelation, Week 2

9 Comments Health, Personal Crap

I have this stupid cold that’s been hanging on for a week. My colds usually stay around for at least three weeks, so I figure I have two to go.

I went to the doctor on Saturday just to make sure it’s just a cold, and I’m not contagious, etc.  So, of course, they weighed me. Fuckers. Fully dressed, shoes on, two cups of coffee and some cereal in my gut.

It was a bad number for me. One I’ve not seen in years. And, even though I knew it was a little off base (because of my 30 pounds of clothing. wink, wink), it made me angry. I was mad that I had been weighed at all, considering I’d done so well NOT weighing myself for the week. And, of course, because I HAD to see the REAL number… I also weighed myself naked when I got home, negating everything I had promised myself about only weighing-in on Mondays. I was 2 and a half pounds less, in case you’re wondering.

The numbers, both at the doc’s office and at home, put a bit of a damper on my mood.

BUT!!! (It’s a big but)

I beat myself up for MUCH less time than usual. I got on with my day, and my weekend and pushed as many of those negative thoughts away as I could. It’s sort of like playing tennis with one of those automatic tennis ball servers. Each ball lobbed at my brain is a negative thought, and I’m using my “positive racket” to hit each one away. Sometimes I miss, sometimes I hit it back. But at least I’m in the game.

I found myself swimming with G again yesterday. And I loved it. It’s getting easier, getting into a swim suit. But I did, unfortunately, say to my friend that I felt fat yesterday. I hated hearing it come out of my mouth and I instantly regretted it. I think that’s a good sign.

So this is my new goal: instead of thinking, “I want to weigh (insert number here) by the time I turn 40”, I’m trying to think, “I want to be happy with myself by the time I turn 40. I can keep working toward whatever it is I’d like to achieve. But I want to be truly happy with me on my birthday.” I like that goal a lot.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go look in the mirror and think of something positive to say. It might just be, “Wow! The reflection of this room is quite lovely in the sunlight.” But I’ll try to make it something like, “Wow! Nice belly-button!” I’ll try.