08 Oct 2011

Flawless Saturday Question

26 Comments Flawless Saturday Question, Uncategorized

Today is Yom Kippur, the Jewish holiday otherwise known as The Day of Atonement. With that in mind, I’m curious:

Is there anyone you need to forgive? Anyone who you wish would forgive you? Or… Is there something you should forgive YOURSELF for?

Yom Kippur tends to be a sort of New Year for me. Which, in fact, it is anyway. Last week was Rosh Hashana, the Jewish New Year. To be honest, I don’t celebrate these holidays as heartily as I used to, but I do still get something out of them. Yom Kippur is not only a day of forgiving, but a day of deciding to do better. And there are certainly many things I could do better.

This year I’m going to try my absolute hardest to work on my patience. I feel sick to my stomach when I yell at someone who just cut me off in traffic, and G-Man is sitting in the backseat. I need to let that stuff go. He sees me do things along those lines way too often, and I do not want to set that example.

I also need to be more patient with people, including G-Man, my husband, my mom, and myself. I expect things to happen too quickly and I get very frustrated when they don’t. And sometimes I forget G is only 4, and he can’t help but be a giant goofball when I only have five minutes to get out of the house. (By the way, I love that my son is a big goofball.)

So, I am going to forgive myself for my transgressions this past year, and promise to do better in the coming year.

I’m also going to forgive myself for dropping the ball on blogging and tweeting the last couple months. And try to do better.

Now, LAY OFF!! (And answer the question. Please. If you don’t however, I’ll forgive you.)

written by
Lisa Arch likes being a working actress... but LOVES being a Mom!

26 Responses to “Flawless Saturday Question”

  1. Reply AL says:

    Yes, Yes and Yes, living this many decades, I truly believe, life is a journey, made with mistakes along the way that are necessary for one to become the best possible version of themselves. I respect what the traditions of our beliefs teach us and trust we are all sharing the same journey πŸ™‚

  2. Reply Name says:

    Is there anyone you need to forgive?—– YES! My parents, they are horrible parents and I am so blessed that they sold me to my Grandma, she was fantastic. I think I’ve forgiven them and then some old hurt comes up and I realize I haven’t. Now that I have a child myself, they seem even more deplorable to me, but I need to forgive them so that I can move on and stop looking back.

    Anyone who you wish would forgive you? At the moment, I can’t think of anyone.

    Or… Is there something you should forgive YOURSELF for? YES! I am overweight, before getting pregnany I’d lost 60lbs, with at least another 100 to go. Well, fast forward a year and I’ve gained it all back. I need to forgive myself so that I get back on track. I keep beating myself up over it and am afraid to start again and I use that as an excuse to stay this way.

    • Reply flawlessmom says:

      Wow, Kristy. Yes, please forgive yourself. That is so much anger to hold on to and I doubt you deserve that. Take it one step at a time: Both the forgiveness and the weight loss journey. It’s not a race to the finish line. It’s just a chance to improve. I hope you can stop beating yourself up. I’m sorry you were given parents that weren’t the best, and so happy for you that you had your grandma to love you. πŸ˜‰

  3. Reply Kristy says:

    Oh, my stupid autofill didn’t work, that post right up above, is me!

  4. Reply Christine says:

    This is a hard one. I believe in forgiveness. I absolutely do. I believe that love is for giving and that’s where the word forgive comes from. However, there are some things, some people, that I find unforgivable. And there are things that I’ve done that I just harbor such shame over that forgiveness is difficult.

    The whole Clean House thing, as cool as it was, caused some real haters to come out of the woodwork. A lot of people, some friends, some strangers, some family, thought I “pulled the cancer card” to get free stuff and a clean house. And a lot of people called me lazy, disgusting and an unfit parent. People in town, to this day, complete strangers to me, will yell at me, “I bet your house isn’t clean anymore!” or, “pigs like you shouldn’t survive cancer.” Do I forgive those people? Should I forgive those people?

    Then there’s my MIL, who, when I was sick and scared of dying, told me, with a chuckle, “It doesn’t matter if you die. Kate doesn’t need you, she has Bill.” Did I forgive her? Should I? Would you?

    And then there’s myself. How do I forgive myself for having had cancer, for putting my daughter, my husband, my family, my friends, my marriage, through such hardship? It’s been 4 years. I don’t think I’ve forgiven me yet, and I don’t think Bill has either.

    And since we’ve mentioned my dear husband, well, let’s just say there’s a lot to forgive him for. We’ve been together for almost 20 years, adn shit happens in a marriage. But forgiving him? Did I? Should I?

    I suppose the anser is Yes. I can forgive. I have forgiven. I am a very forgiving person. I believe that holding grudges, holding anger, is unhealthy. Some say it even causes cancer.

    And, I also believe that someday, somehow, everyone gets what’s coming to them. So I have no problem forgiving, because I believe in Karma. And, forgive me for saying so, but she is my very favorite bitch.

    • Reply flawlessmom says:

      Wow, Christine. I had no idea. I believe, in my heart, that some things are unforgivable. But we each have our own measures for what is or isn’t acceptable. I just hope you can let go of anything that might fester inside of you. But I do not think we have to forgive everyone for everything. And Karma is my favorite bitch, too.

  5. Reply Melisa says:

    I forgive you for not calling me. haha! (JUST KIDDING.)

    It’s nice to have a designated day of introspection. My stomach was growling so much that I could barely focus, though. I have come to the conclusion that I love food, but that’s not really news. πŸ™‚

    • Reply flawlessmom says:

      Melisa, I stopped fasting about 10 years ago when my low blood sugar issues took over. And I forgive myself. I, too, love food.

  6. Reply Laura says:

    I need to forgive my sister who when our mother died did her best to divide the family. She succeeded. FIve years have past and things have never been the same. It is time to move on.

    I am sure that I have done things that I need forgiveness for. So. for whoever I have offended or hurt, I am sorry.

    • Reply flawlessmom says:

      Gosh, Laura. Such a common story but it never fails to amaze me. The fact that a sibling could destroy a family after a parent dies…. Unthinkable. I’m so sorry that happened to you and I commend your desire to forgive. So very sorry.

  7. Reply Erin I'm Gonna Kill Him says:

    I was really scarred from driving with you. Really, playing ‘chicken’ with the oncoming cars on the 405 was too much.

    I could do so much better. I don’t think I’m holding out on forgiving someone at the moment, but I mirror your sentiments about patience.

    • Reply flawlessmom says:

      Sorry I scarred you, Erin. But playing chicken was the only way to interrupt your endless stories about… I don’t even remember. I was asleep.

  8. Reply Billy says:

    I need to forgive the Academy for giving Julia the Oscar! I need to forgive my mom for taking my sister to see Celine Dion at Ceesars Palace in Vegas! I need to forgive myself for using The Secret to pay off student loans!

  9. Reply Robbie says:

    I think I need to forgive myself for being such a slacker, so that I can move on to being productive.

    (And I’m sorry to hear about your kitty, Lisa. It’s so hard to let pets go.)

  10. Reply Milaka says:

    Right now I need to forgive my computer. I had a very eloquent reply crafted and my computer ate it. Grrrr.

  11. Reply Norma Lamothe says:

    I am sorry about your cat. I know it is hard when you lose a pet. Especially when you have had as long has you did.

    I am not a forgiving person. I probably should forgive my mother for lying to me about my biological father. She die in 1979. I would like my sons to forgive me for being such a horriable mother. Never can and never will forgive my self.

    • Reply flawlessmom says:

      Norma, I have trouble believing you were a horrible mother. If you had issues or problems… I truly hope you do forgive yourself. That’s far too much to hold on to.

  12. Reply Milaka says:

    Computer issues solved (it was actually an internet issue). Now the question is, can I still be eloquent? πŸ˜‰

    As a Christian, my belief system is based on forgiveness and grace. The doctrine of forgiving others as God has forgiven me makes sense to me. I know all of the things that I have done – sins against God and sins against my fellow man. And I know and fully believe that He has forgiven me – and continues to forgive. For some reason, that knowledge makes it a whole lot easier for me to forgive people who have wronged me. A lot of people struggle with that doctrine, but I’m blessed in that most of my hurts don’t go deep enough for it to be a struggle.

    Notice, I said MOST of my hurts. I have struggled a lot with forgiving my uncle for crap he pulled on my mom and grandmother while he was drunk. At one point I asked my pastor’s wife for advice because I was having so much trouble forgiving him. She is a wise woman, but I disagreed with her on this point: she said that I didn’t HAVE to forgive him since he had never asked for forgiveness nor shown remorse. That puzzled me and I prayed about it for a while. I guess that technically, I don’t owe anyone forgiveness if they don’t ask. But for my own piece of mind, I needed to forgive him. The bitterness and hurt were affecting ME, not him. He had no idea that he had hurt me through those actions and I had no idea if he had ever asked his sister or mother for forgiveness. It took a lot, but I can now say that I have (mostly) forgiven him. Sometimes I find a chunk of bitterness somewhere, but for the most part, it’s done.

    I know that there are people out there who need to forgive me – I just found out last week that someone from my past has blocked me from Facebook! I had no idea that he was on FB, but a couple of people started talking about him and I can’t find him anywhere. I have NO idea what I did! I would be willing to make amends if I knew!

    And I need to forgive myself for not buying that condo in ’95. That rental income would be pretty sweet right about now. Grrrrr!!!!

    Great questions!

    • Reply flawlessmom says:

      I agree with you, Milaka. I don’t think forgiveness should be only given when someone asks for it. It’s up to us to find that place within ourselves. But it is EASIER if the person asks because then you don’t have to do all the work on your own. As far as your FB friend, it might just be a misunderstanding. Don’t assume you did something wrong! Wouldn’t you know if you had?? About the condo… Ouch. πŸ˜‰

  13. Reply Milaka says:

    Okay, so that was a little long. Sorry. Will you forgive me?

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