30 Jan 2012

A Kiss is Just a Kiss

8 Comments Uncategorized

They’re playing kissing games at school. I don’t know what the games consist of, but I’m pretty sure there’s kissing involved. Really? At four years old??

I’m thinking back. I do remember playing chase and kiss in elementary school. Maybe in kindergarten. Definitely in first and second grade. I remember Wednesday was Wedding Day. Every day had a theme, but that’s the only one I remember. Monday might have been Marriage Day. I’m not sure how that differed from Wedding Day, but maybe instead of kissing you just stared at each other or talked about bills and the kids.

Please note, names have been changed to protect the innocent. G came home from school last week and said, “Mom, I’m not marrying Rose because she doesn’t like kissing.” I asked how he knew that fact. “Have you tried kissing her?” He got quiet and said he hadn’t. I asked if he’d asked if she liked to kiss. He again said no. When I brought this up to Rose’s mom on Friday she said, “Oh he must be talking about the kissing game!”

At that moment it hit me like a ton of bricks. I have a son, and my son is not going to give me details about things like a girl would. This is going to be hard for me. I like details. I thrive on details. But it’s just something I’ll have to deal with, and the trade-off is I won’t have to deal with quite as many mood swings when he’s a teenager. But I’ve gone way off course here.

From what I understand, G and two other boys play these games. And there are only two girls (so far) who also play. I don’t know if there’s chasing involved, or if there’s a secret meeting place. I asked G if he kisses girls on the cheek or the lips. He said he doesn’t do either. Again, no details.

I wonder if I should bring this up to the teachers, but I don’t want to spoil things. I’m sure I’ll be spoiling a whole lot of stuff over the next 18 years, and I don’t want to spoil an innocent game of kiss kiss just yet. Right?  Then I think, “Is it completely innocent?” I mean, our dear son likes girls. He does. He likes them a lot. I had no idea a four-year-old boy could be so interested in the opposite sex. I thought most of them thought girls were “icky” or had “cooties”. But I think G sees them as little people who will soon look like Victoria’s Secret models. And they see him as “funny” and “sweet” and their parents see him as a little “gentleman”. He loves to hold doors open for them, and he approaches them to ask for play dates in the most polite way. He is a kind, lovely boy.

What if it’s all just so he can gain their trust and kiss their daughters??? What if my son was born to woo women, and every delightful move he makes is just to get the approval of these women, and their families? Did I give birth to the next George Clooney?  Hugh Hefner? Or is he just so damn, naturally charming that no one can resist him?  And, since no one is resisting, he’s getting a little kiss now and then? Is a womanizer a womanizer even if he’s womanizing unintentionally????

Calm down, Lisa. He’s four. He’s not womanizing. If anything, he’s girlizing. Toddlerizing, for Goodness’ Sake! And now it’s up to you to make sure you instill RESPECT and REVERENCE for women in this young man you gave birth to. You are raising a man, Lisa. A man who will either see women as objects, or as important, strong, smart, funny, active members of society with more to offer than sex. It is YOUR job, Lisa. Yours and your husband’s.

Oh shit. Did you hear all that? I talk to myself when I’m stressed.

It’s just a little kissing game. It’s healthy. They’re curious. At least they’re not playing doctor, yet. And there are no lockers to hide behind for “You show me yours”. They can’t fit into their cubbies, and the little house on the playground has big, picture windows so the teachers can see if there’s any monkey business going on.

Maybe I can institute theme days. I am a Room Mother, after all!  How about “Move Away From Me Monday”, “Touchless Tuesday”, “Walk Away Wednesday”, “Think First Thursay”, “Flirt From Afar Friday”. I think this could work. Or I can just keep my nose out of it for a while and enjoy these innocent times. It doesn’t mean I’m not going to ask the teachers to keep their eyes peeled, and I’ll certainly keep talking to the other parents.

It’s only a matter of time before kissing games turn into dating and making out and sex and marriage and all of that. So, it’s begun. At four. I’m just hoping and praying the kissing games go on for a while. I’m struggling so much looking for a Kindergarten, I can’t imagine having to look for a wedding venue.

I just passed out.

written by
Lisa Arch likes being a working actress... but LOVES being a Mom!

8 Responses to “A Kiss is Just a Kiss”

  1. Reply Sherry says:

    Oh Lisa, I can’t even imagine. My son is 15 and just got his first girlfriend. He is respectful and kind. He does tell me things though. I listen and don’t react until later, when I’m by myself. He will tell me that she asks before giving him a hug and that they were going to wait until they were done with their play before talking about kissing. He came to me the other day and said that Valentine’s Day is their 3rd month anniversary. Plus, you should know that boys are so much easier as teenager’s. My friend has girls and to say she is going through heck is an understatement. take a deep breath and good luck 🙂

    P.S. play has been over for a while and I haven’t asked about the kissing! Lol

    • Reply flawlessmom says:

      Sherry, that is SO CUTE! Oh my gosh, I hope 15 doesn’t come too soon. I’m just trying to enjoy each one of these delightful, hilarious, and heartbreaking phases. 15 seems like eons away, but I know it’s around the corner. I’m sure you feel like you just blinked and he was a teenager.

  2. Reply Milaka says:

    You are adorable! Does it help to know that pretty much every mom of a boy goes through this at some level at some time? Buddy wasn’t kissing girls in his class at 4, he was mooning his older sister’s friends! Try THAT one on! G and Buddy will be fine. And they will grow up to have healthy relationships because we (you and Russ and me with my Hubby) are modeling what respectful, loving and fun relationships are.

    So . . . do you and Russ run around the house playing the kissing game? Maybe you should start? 😉

    • Reply flawlessmom says:

      Milaka, we DO!! I’m serious. This house is more of a playground than G’s playground!!!! (It’s why I’m always exhausted.)

  3. Reply Shlomo Bardin says:

    G-MAN’s a stud!!!! I don’t think you have anything to worry about. As long as he keeps his paws off Auntie Stephanie.

    In first grade Leslie Bent would throw me in the corner – literally throw me – and kiss my brains out. Keep in mind I skipped kindergarten. So I was, what, five? Six?

    Leslie’s now a stripper in Vegas, but that’s besides the point.

    • Reply flawlessmom says:

      Shlomo, he is a stud. You know it first hand. I can’t promise he’ll keep his paws off of Steph. Sorry. Can Leslie get us a discount at the Golden Nugget?

  4. Reply Shlomo Bardin says:


  5. Reply Maureen says:

    Hey, sort of unrelated, but you mentioned Kinder. Is G going to go to your local school? Or private? There are some great LAUSD schools, you just have to find if yours is one. We LOVE Bennett’s in Northridge. I am amazed at what he’s learning now in first grade. Kinder was amazing there, too. There’s always great magnets, like Balboa Gifted/High Ability Magnet. Just some thoughts…

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