12 Feb 2012

Valenblah’s Blah

17 Comments Personal Crap

So Valentine’s Day, right?

I’m going to be honest with you. It pisses me off. I find it insulting. It’s a holiday that makes men feel incredibly pressured to buy the women in their lives last-minute gifts like flowers, chocolate and jewelry because they’re told that if they don’t… They’re going to pay.

And it makes women feel pressured to buy frilly lingerie and make exquisite meals for the men in their lives because if they don’t (along with some hot sex)… Then why did the man in their life run out and buy them the bullshit gift in the first place?

I’m not a fan of gifts, or sex, under pressure. I’m also not a fan of going to a restaurant where they’re going to feed you the same food they serve every other day of the year for a much higher price with less-attentive service and an hour-long wait. It’s the same reason I never go on on New Year’s Eve, and haven’t for over 10 years.

My husband and I love each other. We tell each other daily, even when we’re incredibly sick of each other and wish that one of us would get a job over seas for six months. That’s off-topic. We love each other, is the point. And we even like getting gifts from each other. We’re not necessarily great at the whole gift exchange thing, but when it does occur, we like it.

Russ likes it when I bring a shirt home that looks great on him and fits. I like when he brings home a necklace (Not diamond, mind you. I’m more of a $17 costume jewelry type), or picks up some flowers at the supermarket. I love the surprise ass grab in the kitchen (if I’m not holding a hot beverage), the times he holds my face in his hands to convince me how beautiful he thinks I am, and the amused looks we sneak each other when G-Man makes us proud.

I love when I come home to a vacuumed house (this actually happened today!), and when he tells me he loves my cooking. I love how he looks at me when I tell him he’s the best dad in the world.

I just can’t stand the thought of a holiday that forces people to tell you how they feel, especially when it seems like it HAS TO come with some sort of present. It’s unfair, and it makes people feel like failures.

I’m not a person who doesn’t like to celebrate things. In fact, I love to. I am just not a fan of this particular holiday for all of the reasons I told you above.

Having said all of that, my mom and dad used to celebrate Valentine’s Day like their marriage depended on it. (It did not depend on it, by the way.) My dad would always buy my mom jewelry, they would exchange cards with flowery language, and they would go out for expensive meals either alone, or with other couples. My mom has never understood why Russ and I don’t celebrate it with the same ferver.

Last year was my mom’s first Valentine’s Day alone, so we had her over for dinner. It was a sweet evening, she was thankful to be with family, and we were glad to have her. This year, we’re celebrating with my mom and my brother’s family at his house. We’re having a potluck so that everyone pitches in. We’ll eat together in the usual chaotic way, chatting about our lives and stresses, laughing at inappropriate jokes, and razzing each other (mostly my mom.)  My niece will beg to make everyone coffees and my nephew will tell me he loves my pumpkin cupcakes. My son will beg his cousin to tell him more about Star Wars and my brother will do annoying magic tricks. My sis-in-law will talk me through my stress about public schools and my mom will steal kisses from her grandkids as often as possible.

In short, we will be celebrating love on Valentine’s Day. And I am totally okay with that tradition.

(I’m also okay with store-bought flowers or a sweet card. But it doesn’t HAVE to happen. At least not on Valentine’s Day.)

Oh, and please do not think I’m judging you if you love to celebrate this heart-filled holiday. It just ain’t my thang. Looks good on you, though!

written by
Lisa Arch likes being a working actress... but LOVES being a Mom!

17 Responses to “Valenblah’s Blah”

  1. Reply Milaka says:

    Preach it, sister!!!! Hubby calls Valentine’s Day “Amateur Night”. We never go out on that night.

    The past few years Hubby has brought Princess a really big bouquet of flowers for Valentine’s Day. It’s incredibly sweet! I like THAT tradition. I think this year I’ll start a tradition with me giving Buddy something. A good Valentine for a boy is anything Lego. 😉

    • Reply flawlessmom says:

      I love it, Milaka! “Amateur Night”!!!!!!

      You are totally spoiling me with your comments. I hope you know how much I appreciate them. I also LOVE LOVE LOVE the whole part of V-Day where parents give their kids little tokens. I will never forget, as long as I live, the bear my dad gave me one year. And I always got cards from my parents. THAT is the way to celebrate. Know why? Because that love is never, ever forced.

  2. Reply AL says:

    Perfect!…..and, Happy Tell One Another You Love Them Everyday Day! 🙂

  3. Reply Carla says:

    We just dont do the Valentines thing…And working today there was a HERD of folks in the store all day, looking for that last minute stuff…
    Mitch and I spend our time together doing all kinds of things. We go to Disney often, and that to me means more than any flowers or candy…or gifts. We celebrate our love together every day. Been like that for 11 years. I just put him on my insurance at work, so he is coverd….THAT means I love him too…But the best thing is we now have a new snuggler kitten here at our house. We picked him up on Friday. It wasnt Valentines Day, but I will always think of him as my Valentine cat…And he loves me too:) So I celebrate every day…and like it that way!

    • Reply flawlessmom says:

      Carla, that is all so awesome. 11 years of loving each other is a lot, and it sounds like you both do it very well. VALENTINE’S KITTY!!! What’s his name?? I love that!!!!

      OMG, Target must’ve been NUTS today. Crazy people. 😉

  4. Reply Melisa says:

    Yeah, sometimes we get each other gifts, sometimes we don’t. (I was the lucky recipient of some gorgeous flowers today and he will get some dark chocolate and a new insulated coffee mug that fits in the cupholders of his new car)

    We NEVER, EVER go out to eat on holidays. I hate waiting with hundreds of people. We happen to have a date night scheduled for this Saturday but it’s only because that worked for both of our schedules and not because it’s Valentine’s week. 🙂

    I have little gifts for my younger son and my sister that I can’t wait to put on the kitchen counter tomorrow morning. (Older son will get new pj pants in the mail at college) I like celebrating love, too! 🙂

    • Reply flawlessmom says:

      Russ ended up getting me beautiful flowers, and we gave G a couple little gifts. Dinner with family was exactly what I’d hoped for. That’s my kind of Valentine’s Day.

  5. Reply David says:

    Lady ,

    Nail on the HEAD, because I’m in the same boat with you on this. Yeah, it was fun getting Valentine candy and cakes when I was back in Grade School, but once you got past adolescence and figured out what in God’s Name everything was about involving THAT DAY, it took the fun right out of it. I guess I’m digressing because here I am, 41 years old, and I’ve never been in a relationship (yes, this is very true) or had much ‘engagement’, so to say (read between the lines, here), but I’ve seen my parents and my sister go through the motions, and situations sometimes ended up all for naught (my sister got divorced, by the way – long story, there). Don’t get me wrong–I still would like to know what it means to have a relationship, but I don’t want to enter something where I’m forced to posture, which I find hideous.

    Okay, enough BS–got to get back to work! Hang in there, everyone…!!! 🙂


  6. Reply Laura says:

    We don’t go for big Valentine celebrations. The little everyday things mean so much more. Nothing says love to me more than my husband going out on cold winter mornings and warming up the car and scraping the windshield!

  7. Reply TracyK says:

    We don’t go out on Valentine’s Day either (or new years, etc) We did bring in Sushi tonight after the kids were asleep. Yum! We sat in the dining room to eat and TALKED UNINTERRUPTED by children. (Well, mostly. B did wake up from a coughing fit once or twice) And we exchange cards. But i am a total card girl so any excuse to get one, I’m in. Sometimes we get gifts, sometimes we don’t. Depends on our cash flow. Aaron cut white Lillies from our yard this morning and put them in a vase before I woke up. And then had more flowers out in the table when I got back with the sushi. But, I agree with you – we are grateful for each other every day and say it everyday.

  8. Reply Christine says:

    When Bill & I were first married, Valentine’s Day was like a test that we always failed. Love under pressure tends to deflate like a ruined souffle. (I thought that was a great analogy until I realized that you may think I am referring to Bill’s, um, souffle, which, by the way, has never deflated before I got to…um, wait, way off track here..) Anyway, now that we have decided to approach Valentine’s Day ala honey badger (we just don’t give a shit. Google Honey Badger if you have been living under a rock and don’t know what that phrase means. You will pee laughing and will walk around saying “Honey Badger don’t care! Honey Badger don’t give a shit!” for a least a week…but I digress…) So now its just another day, another opportunity to express that we love each other, and that we love Kate, and that she loves us and that we are so damn lucky to be together in this life that we don’t need no stinkin’ holiday to force us to tell each other. This year I made a fantastically cheap and easy dinner of sausage, chicken wings, peppers, onions, potatoes and tomatoes with warm Italian bread and a $3 bottle of wine. Bill brouight home six mini-cupcakes from one of the ten thousand trendy cupcakeries that have popped up on every damn corner and we had a cupcake extravaganza while we watched Glee and then fell asleep on the couch. We didn’t even attempt to make souffle. After 18 years of marriage, this honey badger didn’t give a shit. 😉

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