One of the things I find fascinating about marriage is how it can change from Bliss to B.S. in a matter of days, or moments. The reality is that living with someone day in and day out… FOREVER… Can be challenging. I personally find the challenge to be pretty spectacular. But it is a challenge, nonetheless.
Last Friday night my husband and I had a date night. It was pretty much perfect. We went out for sushi, had a great talk, laughed, flirted… All the things you do before you’re married with kids. It was lovely. After dinner, we stopped by Trader Joes to pick up a few items we needed, then arrived home to see G-Man still awake and in his pajamas. After sending my mom home and getting the little rascal to bed, Russ and I enjoyed some fantastic, uh… Adult time, then settled in to watch three glorious episodes of Breaking Bad.
Earlier in the day, we had looked on-line to find a movie and realized we were missing the perfect opportunity to watch our favorite show. It was one of those moments where you know you’re with the ideal mate, who finds it just as exciting to sit on the couch with you, as staying out late.
Much of Saturday was spent reveling in the fun we had the night before.
Sunday was far less fun. Sunday was spent arguing. Sunday was the day I found out I have things I need to work on. Sunday sucked. (Yes, I will share my “issues” with you later.)
Sunday night as I was getting ready for bed, we hashed it all out. It was a productive, yet painful conversation and it helped us both to understand what we were dealing with. It was one of those moments where you again realize you’re with the ideal mate because he’s willing to do whatever it takes to talk it over, work it out, and make it good again. It wasn’t fun. It was marriage.
I read a quote from Heidi Klum about how her divorce to Seal was a curveball, and how she had pictured her life as a happy couple with tons of kids and “a beautiful garden and trampolines and swings and things.” I think this image of marriage and family is a killer of marriage and family. Yes, I want the swings and trampolines and fun vacations and a giant playroom and love and beauty and, and, and… But THIS is not what it’s about. You have to work at a marriage and at being a parent. So much of it is easy and fun and lovely, but so very much of it is not. And when you’re exhausted and impatient and nearly 15 years in… It’s work. All of those “things”, all of those “extras” are part of it, if you’re lucky. But you don’t get to keep any of it if you don’t do the work. Not to imply that Heidi and Seal didn’t work at it. I don’t know their deal. I just know that the whole “Princess and Prince riding off on a white horse” fantasy is just a fantasy, (no matter how many times you publicly renew your vows.)
Our 12-year anniversary is in 12 days. It’s been a marriage filled with a ton of B.S. But, because we are lucky and we work at it, there’s been two tons of bliss.