Archive for April 23rd, 2012

23 Apr 2012

CONTROL

14 Comments Family, Personal Crap

So, remember the last post where I told you my husband and I had a fight about my “issues”? Well, my “issues” are that I use quotation marks too frequently. HA! Kidding. That’s not the case at all. My “issues” are that I’m a control freak. I guess that’s just one “issue”. But since it permeates every second of every day and affects almost everything that goes on in my life… It’s plural.  “Issues”.

I recognize that these issues are completely common among every woman that I know. As a gender, we enjoy knowing what’s going on at every moment and we enjoy even more when we know how whatever is going on is being handled. It’s what we do. It’s how we get through our days. It’s why we have purses filled with “just in case” supplies. It’s why we leave 30 minutes early to allow for traffic. It’s why our families don’t go hungry when the fridge is empty… We froze a few meals, just in case.

So, yes. I’m a control freak. And I feel it serves me well in most cases. It makes me look like a super mom or a super friend or a super daughter a lot of the time. But when it comes to my relationship with my husband, and probably my son, it doesn’t always serve us well.

Russ pointed out to me that I try to control everything. Everything. I second-guess things he does, I question stuff that doesn’t need to be questioned, I make suggestions to fix things that aren’t broken. I am not good at letting him, and probably my son, do things the way they do them. That’s not good for a marriage, and I’m pretty damn sure it’s not good as a parent.

I also think that my need to do everything exactly the way I need to do them is part of the reason I have such poor time-management skills. I take G to school and I hit the ground running. But by the time I’ve worked out, shopped, done laundry, and caught up on calls and emails, it’s time to pick him up again. I’ve done nothing creative, nothing to serve my career, and often nothing to feed myself in the way that allows me to feel whole. This is my fault. If I passed ANYthing off to my husband, and allowed him to do it the way he would do it, it would open up time and space for me that I am sorely lacking. That I’m sure we all, as a gender, are sorely lacking.

Holy shit, that is one humongous revelation. Not only am I making my husband feel like he doesn’t know what he’s doing half the time, I’m also robbing myself of precious time and energy. I’m honestly just realizing, as I write this, that my husband pointing this out to me might be the best thing that’s happened to me in a long time. And, by the way, I knew he was right the second it came out of his mouth. It was just hard to hear, and to process. But I absolutely knew he was right.

So now what do I do with all of this new information? I put myself and my husband to work. I pass some things off to him and I embrace the way he does them. I stop micromanaging every freaking thing he does, from making lunch to buying birthday cards. I let my son throw things around a little more and I help him pick it up when there’s time. Holy shit, guys! This could change everything. This might make my marriage EPIC, and it might just make my son like me 20% more than he already would have when he’s an adult.

Are you WITH ME?? I think you’re with me. I even think you might be letting go a little bit, too. Am I right? (Seriously, I need to know. Am I right?) Whoops. As you were.

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