07 Nov 2012

Missing Dad

14 Comments Uncategorized

I had a wonderful therapy session today.  I’m dealing with a lot of feelings coming up after my depression and subsequent anxiety. A lot of feelings that need to be talked over and figured out and handled so I can move more freely through my days. I feel better every day. I feel like me again, only better. I’m so grateful to be where I am right now.

So my session today was great and we talked a lot about me being a mom, what that means to me, and what that entails on a daily basis. We talked about how much I love it, how much I love spending time with G, how much he’s growing and how good of a kid he is. We talked about the way we play together, the way he plays with other kids, the stuff he’s learning at home and at school, and how comfortable he seems in his own skin.  I walked out feeling so good about me as a mom, and my husband and I as parents. I felt grateful.

Then, on my drive home, I saw an old man driving. There are certain older men who remind me of my dad in his last year, when he was thinner and frailer than he had been in the past. And this man reminded me of that. And I started to cry. I realized I had mourned so much for the loss I felt of my dad not being able to see G grow up, and my son not being able to ever get to know his amazing Grandpa. But I’ve never mourned the loss of my dad not seeing me as a mom. I am so much the parent I am because of the influence my dad had on me, and I wish he was here to see me pass that on.

I thank God my mom is here to see it, and be so much a part of it. But I wish with all my heart my dad could see. I know he’d be so proud of his grandson. And I know he’d be so proud of his daughter.

written by
Lisa Arch likes being a working actress... but LOVES being a Mom!

14 Responses to “Missing Dad”

  1. Reply Carla says:

    Hey Lisa! I have missed your posts…so busy here with life and stuff..Im glad you are feeling so great! Energy is something I seem to be lacking. May try that no gluten thing…
    I am sending big hugs to you. You have so much on your plate. You are a GREAT mom, and the love you have for your family shines strong. Keep on going! and keep us posted!

  2. Reply Christine says:

    He sees. And he is indeed proud. Love never dies. xoxoxo

    • Reply flawlessmom says:

      It absolutely doesn’t die, Christine. And I know he sees and has a hand in so much that happens. I just wish I could hold that hand again.

  3. Reply Grandma Farm says:

    Lisa, so glad to see you writing again. I believe like Christine, he see and knows what a good mother you are. After 22 years I still talk to my folks and think they are happy to know my life is so good. You know that I love you very much and think you are a remarkable mom and wife. I am thankful Russ and Garrett have you. We are happy you are part of our family.

    • Reply flawlessmom says:

      Mom, I know you know how much those words mean to me. Thank you for being such a great mom in law. And I know I’ll still be talking to Dad in 20 years. 🙂

  4. Reply Melisa says:

    He does see. I’m sure of it.

  5. Reply AL says:

    1. Your Dad KNOWS you are doing a great job and that you miss him!
    2. Gluten free makes a difference, for sure!
    3. G will notice you cut your hair AND it won’t scar him, it may scare him, however, depending on the haircut.
    4. I know how painful those sudden random reminders of ones we’ve loved, but it’s all part of the damn grieving thing and it will get somewhat easier to bear, eventually 🙁
    5. WE LOVE YOU ! ! ! !
    And that, is MY five point plan 🙂 Be happy! AL

    • Reply flawlessmom says:

      LOL! Thank you, AL. And I cut my hair today to RAVE REVIEWS from the littlest Arch. (Who looks more like my dad every day.) 😉

  6. Reply Milaka says:

    I’m glad that you’re writing what you are feeling/learning. This is a beautiful post. I’m sure that your dad is proud. You and R are doing such a great job!!!!

  7. Reply Patty says:

    He most definitely sees how amazing you are. But I completely understand the feeling. {{{Hugs}}}

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