07 Jan 2013

Good, Bad, Better

9 Comments Uncategorized

The other day, a friend of mine very casually said that we have our best moments and our worst moments when we become parents.

I have not been able to get those words out of my head. She’s so very right. I have had the best moments of my life, been the best ME I’ve ever been, since having Garrett. I’ve also had some moments that I felt ashamed, mad at myself, or just plain stupid.

I thought it might be a good time to reflect on what I like about me as a mom, and what I don’t. So I can do more of the good stuff, and less of the bad. And maybe you can chime in about what you’re brilliant at and what you’d like to change?

I am good at:

Letting G know how loved he is.

Letting him know how smart and special he is.

Making sure he’s well-fed.

Keeping promises.

Scheduling play-dates, so he has a ton of time with other kids.

Teaching him things.

Answering any questions he has about… Anything.

Letting him know how important it is to laugh and how cool it is to be odd.

Being a very big part of his school, knowing all the kids and parents, helping with important functions, and setting up fun things for him and his friends.

Being strict. Sticking to my guns even when it’s hard. And helping him to be a good person.

I am not so great at:

Being patient.

Not exploding over little, unimportant annoyances. In front of him. Which is scary.

Playing games that he’s created 35 hard-to-follow rules for. (see patience.)

Saying nice things about our home. I complain way too much, in front of G, about the mess and the things I’m unhappy with. This is such an awful message to send. I want to change it to one of gratitude for all that we have. This is taking a whole lot of work in therapy.

Teaching him to clean up and be organized. I’m still learning these things myself, and I’m afraid I’m passing on the “messy” (but very clean and germ-free) gene.

Things I’m getting better at:

Saying, out loud, when I need a break to re-charge. Then taking that break and coming back strong.

Being spontaneous and extra silly.

Having people over, even when I’m not thrilled about the way the house looks. G won’t remember the rip in the couch. He’ll remember that his friends were always welcome here.

These are the things I could think of quickly. I know there are many more, in each category. PLEASE share your thoughts. These are the things we need to talk to each other about so we feel less crazy.

written by
Lisa Arch likes being a working actress... but LOVES being a Mom!

9 Responses to “Good, Bad, Better”

  1. Reply Michelle says:

    Lisa,

    I think we all feel the same about the patience. We try, and try, but they just seem to be able to “pluck our last nerve” every time. LOL But, the “up” side is that they learn that someone can snap at them or get angry with them but still love them. Our imperfections teach our children that no one is perfect and it is okay to be imperfect.

    Keep doing what you are doing and try to work on the things you don’t like. That’s what I do every day.

    ((HUGS))

    • Reply flawlessmom says:

      Thanks, Michelle! I tell G all the time that I always love him, even when I’m mad. Sometimes he uses it against me! I guess that’s his prerogative. 😉

  2. Reply Allison says:

    You’re perfect! Not kidding at all. I never plan “play dates” moms don’t like me and so Syd misses out. I am so “anal” and always cleaning it gets in the way of living. Always over do it! My daughter for the first time last week said “Mommy, you’re being bitchy to me.” while she was in a time out. My heart was crushed where and the hell did she learn “bitchy” and how to use it so well? The Christian fellowship Y.M.C.A. Winter camp. My baby had a dirty mouth from the Y! So, you are the Perfect mom! I failed for trying to keep her busy over the holiday break. Ps. Eat, Lisa no one like a skinny bitchy mommy

    • Reply flawlessmom says:

      Allison, I am in no way perfect. No one is. And I am sure you are doing MUCH better than you’re letting on here. I try. I love the kid so much, I can’t help but try every single day. And I promise… I EAT! 🙂

  3. Reply Melisa says:

    “G won’t remember the rip in the couch. He’ll remember that his friends were always welcome here.” YES. THAT!

    I love this post, Lisa. I also love that you started with your strengths. We all have strengths and room for improvement…nobody’s perfect. The most important thing is that he knows how loved he is. Everything else? Pales in comparison.

  4. Reply Kristy says:

    Wonderful!

    I have a 2 year old daughter.

    I am good at

    affection, lots and lots of love, hugs, kisses, snuggles
    meaningful praise
    arts and crafts
    celebrating holidays, big and small, in fun ways

    I am not so good at
    just sitting and playing
    letting her make messes and leaving them alone for a bit
    scheduling my time

    I am getting better at
    not comparing every single thing I do or don’t do with her to other moms and their kids
    envying other people’s possesions, especially out loud (and really, 4 walls, a roof, running water and electricity, food to eat and some soft places to land are really all anyone needs)

    • Reply flawlessmom says:

      Kristy! Thank you SO MUCH for replying in this format!! Spectacular.
      I am getting better at the comparing thing, too. That is a hard one for me. And I’m great at affection… I forgot that one! Seriously, thank you. This rocks.

  5. Reply Bob K says:

    I’m NOT GOOD at listening to long, detailed, second-by-second explanations of what my daughter did all day; being attentive the minute I walk in the door; watching her horrible TV shows with her; wanting to listen to her read out loud every single assignment and essay she gets back from her teacher; being factor in and understand that she’s only 11 years old, even though she acts like she’s 21…

    But I am GOOD at being impatient, on edge and stressed out.

    So that’s positive, I guess.

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