Archive for March 6th, 2013

06 Mar 2013

My Kid is Gonna Marry Me

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My son wants to marry me.  He does.

I know your kid SAYS he or she wants to marry you. But mine really, really wants to. He’s got it all planned out. We’ll be married, (although he says I can still stay married to his dad), and we’ll live together forever and ever. And if he wants to get married to someone else and have kids, that’ll be okay. We’ll all live in a house together and be happy… ever after.

He really loves me. I know your kid SAYS he or she really loves you. But mine really, really does. He kisses my hand and tells me I’m beautiful. He tells me I’m the best mom in the world. I know your kid says the same to you, but Garrett really, really means it.

We’re going to live in a big, beautiful house. I’m going to cook him all his favorite foods. Any silly face I make will send him, even at 40-years-old, into a fit of giggles so pure people will be watching it on YouTube for years to come. His wife will love me and tell me all the time that she wishes she could be half the woman I am. The grandchildren will secretly tell me they wish I was their mom. In our old age, he will treat Russ and I like a king and queen. And as I lie comfortably dying, in a long white, cotton gown, Garrett will once again grab my hand and say to me, “Mommy, I love you more than anything in the whole world. You have been the best mom anyone could ever, or will ever have. Now, go to heaven knowing that you have loved, and you are loved, completely.”

Then I’ll float away and he will cry with all of his heart. His wife and children will console him, all of them missing me more than anyone has ever thought humanly possible.

The end.

Okay, I get it. Your kids say the exact same things to you. They look at you like you hung the moon and they tell you they want to live with you forever. I know it’s their age. I know it’s a phase. And I know they mean it with every fiber of their being.

But, if it’s okay with you, I’m going to pretend that I’m the only mommy in the world whose son loves her enough to marry her. And I give you permission to do the same.