I am getting worried about not being “hip” or “with-it”.
I picture myself every time my mom talks about ANYTHING current, and I’m rolling my eyes. I’m always rolling my eyes in those moments. I’m a 41-year-old woman rolling my eyes at my MOM! This does not bode well for me and I think it’s going to start happening SOON!
The thing is, I’ve never been “with-it”. Truly, I never have. I didn’t really know what Coachella was until three days ago. I figured it was a Woodstock-kind-of-event, but you’d think I’d have a more current thing to compare it to since I wasn’t even ALIVE when Woodstock was happening. I’ve never been a real concert-goer. I happily went to see Duran Duran in 7th grade and appropriately cried during “Save a Prayer”. But I know my love for them stemmed from my friends’ love for them. Don’t get me wrong. I was a HUGE fan, but I didn’t come to it on my own. The same with Prince and Madonna. For me, it was always Billy Joel and The Eagles. Even then, I wasn’t “hip”. Oh, and I knew every lyric to “Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dream Coat”, so that was helpful.
I never know the hottest restaurant or the coolest club. I like to stay in my own little bubble, I pretty much always have, so I’m very unaware of what’s going on downtown, in the heart of Hollywood, or beyond.
I try to stay up-to-date with pop culture, but even that seems difficult for me. Someone will mention that so and so is breaking up with what’s his face and I’m like, “I didn’t even know they were together!!” And movies are the worst. My husband and I have been to maybe five movies since G was born. We just can’t seem to get there. We got a TON of screeners last year and only managed to watch a few of THOSE!
Needless to say, I’m nervous. I’m okay with being the dork in the room at a party or event with adults, but I’m not looking forward to my son and his friends looking at me and thinking I’m pathetic.
Here are my options:
1. Set aside an hour or so a day to scour the internet for stories about celebs. Try to fit in a 10 minute viewing of important TV like The Real Housewives or Duck Dynasty. Listen to some music that I am not familiar with. (Although in this case I might be okay. G’s affinity for 80’s Hair Metal means I have little research to do.) Find some age-appropriate clothes that still say, “I know what’s going on in the world of fashion!”
2. Dye my hair gray, buy some housecoats, and get REALLY good at baking cookies. Be the mom that embraces old age, so no one ever EXPECTS me to chime in on any current conversations. Pop in every once in a while with a slice of pumpkin bread and say, “Is anyone hungry? You look like you’re having fun talking about that Jason Beeter”. Everyone laughs because of the quaintness of my mistake, and spends the next ten minutes talking about the pumpkin bread and how it’s the best they’ve ever had.
3. Stay exactly how I am and suffer the slings and arrows of my son’s disappointment with me as a completely lame mom.
4. See number 3 but add fake boobs, a tummy tuck and a whole lot of injectables. Wow all of my son’s friends with my overwhelming beauty and inappropriate clothing so that none of them care what I know, and G is forever blushing in shame.
I consider all of these to be viable options. I’ll probably stick with number 3 because of my extreme laziness, but in a few years I might lean a little more toward 2 or 4. I’ll ask G what he thinks. I’m looking forward to the eye-roll.