14 Apr 2013

So Not Cool

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I am getting worried about not being “hip” or “with-it”.

I picture myself every time my mom talks about ANYTHING current, and I’m rolling my eyes. I’m always rolling my eyes in those moments. I’m a 41-year-old woman rolling my eyes at my MOM! This does not bode well for me and I think it’s going to start happening SOON!

The thing is, I’ve never been “with-it”. Truly, I never have. I didn’t really know what Coachella was until three days ago. I figured it was a Woodstock-kind-of-event, but you’d think I’d have a more current thing to compare it to since I wasn’t even ALIVE when Woodstock was happening.  I’ve never been a real concert-goer. I happily went to see Duran Duran in 7th grade and appropriately cried during “Save a Prayer”. But I know my love for them stemmed from my friends’ love for them. Don’t get me wrong. I was a HUGE fan, but I didn’t come to it on my own. The same with Prince and Madonna. For me, it was always Billy Joel and The Eagles. Even then, I wasn’t “hip”. Oh, and I knew every lyric to “Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dream Coat”, so that was helpful.

I never know the hottest restaurant or the coolest club. I like to stay in my own little bubble, I pretty much always have, so I’m very unaware of what’s going on downtown, in the heart of Hollywood, or beyond.

I try to stay up-to-date with pop culture, but even that seems difficult for me. Someone will mention that so and so is breaking up with what’s his face and I’m like, “I didn’t even know they were together!!” And movies are the worst. My husband and I have been to maybe five movies since G was born. We just can’t seem to get there. We got a TON of screeners last year and only managed to watch a few of THOSE!

Needless to say, I’m nervous. I’m okay with being the dork in the room at a party or event with adults, but I’m not looking forward to my son and his friends looking at me and thinking I’m pathetic.

Here are my options:

1.  Set aside an hour or so a day to scour the internet for stories about celebs. Try to fit in a 10 minute viewing of important TV like The Real Housewives or Duck Dynasty. Listen to some music that I am not familiar with. (Although in this case I might be okay. G’s affinity for 80’s Hair Metal means I have little research to do.) Find some age-appropriate clothes that still say, “I know what’s going on in the world of fashion!”

2.  Dye my hair gray, buy some housecoats, and get REALLY good at baking cookies. Be the mom that embraces old age, so no one ever EXPECTS me to chime in on any current conversations. Pop in every once in a while with a slice of pumpkin bread and say, “Is anyone hungry? You look like you’re having fun talking about that Jason Beeter”. Everyone laughs because of the quaintness of my mistake, and spends the next ten minutes talking about the pumpkin bread and how it’s the best they’ve ever had.

3.  Stay exactly how I am and suffer the slings and arrows of my son’s disappointment with me as a completely lame mom.

4.  See number 3 but add fake boobs, a tummy tuck and a whole lot of injectables. Wow all of my son’s friends with my overwhelming beauty and inappropriate clothing so that none of them care what I know, and G is forever blushing in shame.

I consider all of these to be viable options. I’ll probably stick with number 3 because of my extreme laziness, but in a few years I might lean a little more toward 2 or 4. I’ll ask G what he thinks. I’m looking forward to the eye-roll.

13 Apr 2013

Squirrel watching with daddy

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13 Apr 2013

Fancy dinner on patio

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08 Apr 2013

Good Times

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This was a bad ass spring break. I mean seriously, it was magical for me and I hope it was at least as magical for G-Man.

We had tons of play dates. We went to the Aquarium of the Pacific. We went begrudgingly to the beach and ended up having a spectacular day. We ate fun food, we spent time with family, we danced, we laughed, we yelled at each other…

On the way to school today I told G how much I loved my time with him and he said he loved his break. I told him we have many years of these breaks together and I hoped they would all be as much fun. He asked when Summer is coming and I said it’s in about 10 weeks…

Then I realized it’s the last summer before Kindergarten. And even though things will be almost exactly the same in terms of how long he goes to school and what our days look like… It’ll be Real School. And that means no “taking the day off” because I feel like having him home with me. It means his butt needs to be in his seat by 7:55 AM or he gets a tardy. (Tardy. Worst word ever.) It means big kids and a much bigger school. It means, in short, my little boy is growing up and it’s just happening too damn fast.

But we had a magical Spring Break. And I am grateful beyond words for the little man (and the big one who looks just like him) in my house who are my family.

By the way, I’m trying to invent something to slow time down a little. Boredom does that, doesn’t it? Hmmm… Maybe I need to rethink these breaks!

25 Mar 2013

This Morning

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This was one of those mornings.

G got up at 6:00 and would not let me sleep another second.

There was not a lot of good listening going on.
I was impatient because I was tired.

Then, on the way to school, G wrote I LOVE YOU on his portable drawing-thingy.

I said, I love you too buddy. Even when we have hard mornings I love you so much.

He said he knows.

Then we raced from the car to school, gave extra big hugs and kisses, and a few extra air hugs too.

That little man makes it impossible to have a completely bad morning. But I feel like complaining, so I’m aiming for a particularly shitty afternoon.

21 Mar 2013

Throw Back Thursday 3/21/13

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This is me about 20 years ago, getting my SAG card on the set of Dream On. That’s James Woods rehearsing with me as I practice saying, “Who gets the check?” I had already been waiting tables several years, so this rolled off of my tongue.

Did I ever tell you about the time I took a picture with Brad Pitt and we both looked terrible? This was after performing at the KROQ Almost Acoustic Christmas at the Universal Amphitheater. I asked him if I could get a quick photo with him and he couldn’t have been nicer.

I’ve always been a tree hugger.

Another from the worst headshot session ever. This is me jumping in the air because I was excited that one day I would look less like a boy.

This is me looking less like a boy at my photo shoot for Stuff magazine in 2003. This was a test shot. I didn’t like the one that made the magazine.

20 Mar 2013

Picture Day

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It was picture day today.
The last picture day of pre-school.
G wore a nice shirt and tie and his new, shiny, black loafers.

There are three more months of pre-school.
Then eight short weeks until Kindergarten.
I will not be sending G to camp this summer.
I will be squeezing every last drop of pre-schooler out of him instead.

Why is each “last” so… Significant?
Why do we place such importance on these moments?

Because we know they don’t last.

But pictures do.


14 Mar 2013

Throw Back Thursday

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It’s Throw Back Thursday. Yesterday I just so happened to find a WEALTH of pictures from my past, as I began to clean out our closet o’ photos in my office. These are the things you find yourself doing when your son is home sick for the 100th time since January, and you are not feeling so great yourself. Here’s a sampling for you. I’m sure I’ll regret this, even though I’ll probably show you more in the coming Thursdays.

Here is a school photo of me. I do not know when this was taken. I do know my milkshake did NOT bring all the boys to the yard, unless I was playing tether ball. Then, they’d show up.

This is my sixth grade graduation photo. I was graduating from a Jewish day school. I knew Hebrew, I was a year from my bat mitzvah, and I rocked some plastic pearls.

This is from my first headshot photo shoot when I was somewhere between the ages of 12 and 14. The photographer obviously told me to look like I was very untrusting of whoever handed me this giant lollipop, while also trying to look uncomfortably embarrassed.

This is me at 17, in Hawaii for my graduation trip. This was at the peak of me thinking I was a fat cow. How did I live with myself?? (NOTE: I am so fucking mad that I thought I was fat. I should’ve been naked all the time. I also should have had an IV drip filled with butter, because I could’ve put on a few.) I was really dumb.

This is me, at 20, in a… BEAUTY PAGEANT! I made it to the top 10. I was trying to face my fears of public bathingsuit wearing, big hair, and pageant girls. It was an odd night. But I look happy. Oh, and Avon Rent-A-Car was really proud to sponsor me. (I had to BEG them, as no one else would bite.)

So there you go. My first attempt at a Throw Back Thursday post. Can I see some of your old photos? Come on… I’ve earned that!!!!

12 Mar 2013

Sick Kid

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My son is sick… Again.
I feel so bad. It’s like 2013 is the Year of Illness in the Arch House. A lot of my friends’ families are going through the same thing. It’s exhausting.
The thing that strikes me the most is this:
My son trusts me to take care of him.

This morning at 4:00AM, G was emptying the contents of his stomach into a pot and looking at me for support. “You’re doing great”, I said as I held the pot steady. “You’re going to be okay.”
At that moment I thought, “What the HELL is going on here???? I’m not equipped to handle a sick child! Aren’t I like, 16 years old???”
These moments, even five-and-a-half years in, are always surreal to me. And I imagine my parents used to think the same thing when I was looking at them, trusting that they knew all the right things to do to make me okay. They didn’t, but they sure acted like they did.

Today his fever spiked to 102.6 and he looked at me with those big blue eyes and asked, “Is it over 101??” I finally learned my lesson and said, “No, honey. It’s just 100.” He wants me to take his temperature about every 15 minutes. He gets a little obsessive when he’s not feeling great. And, according to him, as long as he stays under 100 degrees, he’s not “throw-up sick”. Yesterday I kept telling him the truth. Today I’m lying. It’s going better.

Right now he’s on the couch with Russ, watching Spy Kids… Again. He just asked for some cold milk and applesauce and, since he hasn’t TU’d (He doesn’t want me to say the full words) for over 14 hours, I let him have some. He seems to be doing okay right now.

All I know is, he trusts me to take care of him. Thank God for the internet, otherwise I’d know NOTHING about how to take care of him when he’s sick, other than using my instincts (which are NOT always right). Earlier, when he was resting in bed, I looked right at him and laughed because I couldn’t believe how cute he was and how much I love him. I’m exhausted. I’m afraid of screwing up. And I swear to you, I love taking care of this kid. I am blown away by his trust. And I trust him implicitly to tell me if I’m doing something wrong.

It’s an arrangement I am more than happy to live with, as long as he’s okay with me pretending I know what I’m doing.

11 Mar 2013

Looking for Light

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I went to temple Friday night for the first time in… A very long time.
It’s funny how whenever I go, I hear at least one thing that resonates with me.
Friday it was this (Or something like this, but probably far more eloquent):

There is light everywhere on this Earth.
If you walk through the world seeking this light, you will find it in many places.

Then the rabbi talked about the person who lets you go ahead of them in line at the grocery store, the driver who lets you in front of them in traffic, a person who holds the door open for you, etc. These are all lights.

These are the kinds of moments that always make me feel a little better about humanity. And when I offer these things into the world, I feel better too.

I’m going to spend this week looking for light everywhere. I know I will find some. And I will try to be some, too.

How do YOU plan on being a light this week? (She says in a New York-Jewish-Mother voice to guilt you into doing something “light-ish”.)