20 Nov 2010

Flawless Saturday Question

21 Comments Flawless Saturday Question

Thanksgiving is Thursday and I’ve already asked a “Thankful”-type question, so this time I’m going to ask you about… FOOD. The Thanksgiving feast is by far and away my favorite meal of the year. I love everything about it. To me, it’s comfort food times 100, and I wish we could do it more than once a year. Biscuits? Roast turkey? Pumpkin fritters? Cranberry sauce? Sweet potatoes? Mashed potatoes? White Trash Krab Salad? Gravy? AND STUFFING?????? ¬†Oh, and pie. And mulled wine. BRING IT.

So my FSQ is this: What is your favorite meal? If you could have anything on a plate, what would it be? Even if it’s a combination of foods you’ve never had before. What do you wish you were eating right now?

Oh my god. Thanksgiving is so close. I can almost taste it.

And now, I’ll take this opportunity to say that I hope your Thanksgiving is filled with great joy, people you love, and unbelievable food. ūüėČ

14 Oct 2010

Eating My Feelings and Feeling Like Crap

5 Comments Personal Crap

I really can not stop eating since my father passed away. ¬†I never thought I’d be the kind of person who eats when depressed or anxious. But OH MY GOD AM I THAT KIND OF PERSON!! ¬†I just sat down to write this because I polished off a huge bag of kettle corn without even knowing I was doing it, and I don’t do those things. I don’t. I never have. But now I do. I always do.

I recently lost about 9 pounds and felt thinner than I ever had in my whole life. I’ve never been fat, but I’ve always felt fat. That’s one of those truly American neuroses to have. It’s stupid and a waste of time, but I do feel fat about 90% of the time. The other 10% I’m just too busy to think about it. ¬†But in this small window of time after I lost the 9 pounds, I felt thin. ¬†I really, actually felt thin for the first time ever. Even when I was 5’5” and 98 pounds in high school I didn’t feel anywhere near this thin. ¬†I was liking the way I looked in clothes, and I was strutting around the house naked. Okay, strutting might be an overstatement. ¬†Naked might be an overstatement, too. ¬†But I was walking around the house in boy shorts and tank tops feeling pretty MILF-like. ¬†I think I might have even told my husband he was a lucky guy at one point. ¬†Yup. ¬†I was feeling thin.

But then my father died and I haven’t stopped eating since. Really, anything that’s been put in front of me, I’ve eaten. ¬†I put a lot of the weight back on, and now I’m feeling fat again and afraid I don’t know how to get back to where I was before. If you were to ask anyone who knows me, they would tell you that any time I say I’m fat they want to slap me in my face. And I understand that. ¬†I’m not fat. But I do feel like a stranger in my own body sometimes, and when my jeans get tight and my stomach seems to be hanging over my pants a little, and I have love handles and my arms aren’t tight… Well, I just kind of hate myself. So, what do I do? Do I figure out how to love myself with a few extra pounds on me? Or do I go back to being strict and take the weight off again?

In the past there wouldn’t have been any debate her, so maybe I’m making some progress. I’m grateful for the comfort that food gave me when I needed it, but now I want to find something comforting that isn’t as damaging to my body or self esteem. I thought it might be a good idea to start taking walks, doing some deep breathing, and trying to drink a glass of water when I think I need a snack. ¬†These would be good starts.

But more than that, I think I need to learn to be more forgiving of myself, and more understanding. Why can’t I love me no matter what my jeans feel like? ¬†My husband does. My son does. My family and friends sure do. ¬†As a matter of fact, I don’t think one of them would give a rip if I was to put on 100 pounds. Well, they might worry about my health, but it wouldn’t make them love me any less. ¬†How can I give myself the same consideration? I honestly can’t think of a way. Isn’t that stupid? I certainly don’t want to pass on these self-hating feelings to my son. So how does one begin to stop feeling this way?

I have no answers but I think I might be starting a journey that began at the bottom of a bag of kettle corn. Really good kettle corn. It was delicious… Salty, sweet, crunchy… Where’s that water?

02 Oct 2010

Three-Year-Old Birthday Party

No Comments Toddler

In the decade leading up to having my son, I went to plenty of kids’ parties that I felt were way too lavish for someone who’s still pooping in their pants. ¬†So when it came time to throw our own parties, I’ve tried to keep things within my own budget… both mentally and fiscally. ¬†Last week was Garrett’s third birthday party. ¬†With that in mind, I’ve come up with a few suggestions for making children’s party planning as stress-free as possible, while still giving your child a day to remember.

PICK A THEME: ¬†Whatever they love at the moment, go with it! Once you have a theme, it’s easy to build around. Originally our theme was Iron Man, but I found there was not a whole lot of Iron Man-themed stuff readily available, so I coaxed and prodded until Garrett agreed that a dinosaur party was the way to go. ¬†He freaking loves those extinct giants! Then you can go to a site like¬†celebrateexpress.com. We were able to get the plates, cups, silverware, napkins, balloons, streamers, party favors all at one place. ¬†It was affordable and everything had a dinosaur on it!

MAKE THE ADULTS FEEL SPECIAL: Order food for the adults, and make something to eat for the kids. We order sandwiches, empanadas, and a big salad from a local place called Portos. ¬†If you’re local to Los Angeles, you have to try it. It’s amazing, and they also make the cake!! If you can consolidate your errands that day by getting a bunch of stuff at one place, do it! ¬†Then, I made a giant mac and cheese for the kids. Here’s the recipe I use, and I double it. ¬†(Yes, I realize it’s Rachael Ray.) Since Read more