24 Nov 2010

I AM THANKFUL

7 Comments Personal Crap

Well, it’s not original but I thought I should do a post about what I’m thankful for. This morning was surprisingly difficult. I missed my dad a lot. Sadness washed over me and was almost impossible to shake off. This was our holiday. My dad loved Thanksgiving as much as I do. So much so that once, because he had been sick in November, we had a second Thanksgiving in March. God, I wish he was here.

Our table will have only five at it this year. But I am cooking all the same things, all the same amounts. I’m having Thanksgiving because we have so much to be thankful for.

I am Thankful for:

The “Mommy!” that wakes me up way too early every morning.

The man laying beside me when I get up way too early.

The coffee that helps me wake up, when I get up way too early.

The son who exceeds all of my dreams of having a child, and challenges me in ways I never thought I could meet.

The marriage that sustains me, makes me believe in love, and challenges me in ways I never thought I could meet.

The fairly-functional family who is partially broken, but mostly intact, which made me who I am… Good and bad. And is accepting of the way I change.

The beautiful, funny woman who co-raised me, is trying to get on with life, and taking painful steps to do so.

The amazing woman who raised my husband and did a most excellent job of it.

The incredible woman who married my brother, and became my true sister.

The wonderful children, our nieces and nephews, who we don’t see enough of.

The dog who greets me, tail wagging, every morning… Way too early.

The friends I have made, old and new. And some old AND new. They are amazing, loving, beautiful friends, and I am blessed to know them.

The neighbors who keep a watch, and have saved us from many parking tickets.

The roof over my head and the walls that hold up this house.

The lessons I learn that help me grow.

The laughter that I am lucky enough to experience daily.

The tears that help me heal.

The food I get to eat, the wine I get to drink, the choices I get to make.

I am mostly thankful for health and happiness and the fact that I am always acutely aware of their fragility.

And I am thankful I get to write, and for those of you who read what I write.

I am thankful for this beautiful life.

I am thankful.

Happy Thanksgiving.

05 Nov 2010

Taking Thanksgiving Back

17 Comments Family, Personal Crap

It’s November, which has always been my favorite month of the year. Two really cool things happen in November: Thanksgiving, and my birthday. Usually my birthday comes before Thanksgiving, but I like Thanksgiving better than my birthday, which is why I put it first.

This Thanksgiving will mark the seventh one that Russ and I have hosted. You see, Thanksgiving has always been my absolute favorite of all holidays and I wasn’t happy with the way it was going for a while. So I took it back. I grabbed it from the others who had been hoarding it and proclaimed, “This is MY holiday, chumps!” There was some resistance at first, but then it was as it should be.

Let me take you back a bit. Growing up, Thanksgiving was perfect. Yes, perfect. (I’ve learned in therapy it probably wasn’t perfect, but let me have my memories, okay?) It was perfect. My mom and grandma would spend HOURS in the kitchen doing all kinds of who-knows-what that involved making homemade stuffing that was cooked IN the bird, making side dishes from Heaven, and doing some voodoo magic that made everything taste like Autumn. Sure, there were some fights and stresses. And yes, I had to polish the fucking silver every year. And holy cow did I complain about it! But somehow, everything got on the table when it was time to eat and we had ourselves a perfect Thanksgiving.

There was usually somewhere between eleven and fourteen of us. We would eat and laugh and eat and laugh. Grandpa would tell hilarious stories, we’d constantly comment on the deliciousness, and after dinner we all performed. Someone would sing, my brother would play piano or do something incredibly silly, and I’d do some sort of monologue to make my grandpa giggle until he cried. Then there was dessert and coffee and then it would be over, and I’d be so sad that the best day of the year came to an end. It’s weird because it wasn’t traditional, really. We’d eat late and no one seemed to be too interested in the football. My family was always more into baseball and hockey. It would’ve REALLY been the perfect holiday if the World Series were in November!

There are a few reasons I love Thanksgiving so much: The food. No prayers. No presents. All Thanksgiving is is an excuse to figure out what is good about your life and to celebrate that by shoveling food in your yap.

So, years go by and grandparents pass away, and dynamics change and my brother gets married. Now, all of a sudden, we’re eating with my sister-in-law’s family. Our quaint holiday turned into a 27-person melee that didn’t resemble anything I was familiar with. Our first Thanksgiving together, Russ and I were at a card table in the corner, wondering how late the coffee shop stayed open so we could go have a peaceful meal. Plus, dinner started close to 8:00 PM, which just seemed preposterous. This went on for five years until Russ and I couldn’t take it anymore. Our favorite holiday needed a resurrection, and we were just the people to do it.

Seven years ago I called my parents and told them we would no longer be joining in the foolishness of the over-crowded Thanksgiving. (By the way, I love my sis-in-law’s family. I just missed my holiday). I told them Russ and I would be having a traditional Thanksgiving at our house at 4:00PM and that they, and any of the family, were welcome. I was met with much anger. “It’s not for YOU to decide where Thanksgiving is!” Yes it is. “How dare you break up the family like that!” I told you everyone is welcome. “Well, you KNOW Bob and Karen won’t be able to come!” Maybe they’ll come next year. They can trade off between our Thanksgiving and theirs. “I think you’re being very selfish!” I am. It feels great.

A couple hours later, my mom called me back and apologized. She actually said, “I’m so proud of you for standing up for what you want for yourself and your family. I would never have had the balls to do it. I raised you right.” Then she told me she and my father would join us, and we could work out the rest later. I did it. I took Thanksgiving back. This was going to be fantastic.

And it was. That year Russ and I started our tradition of spending the day cooking together, laughing together, and stressing together. We make all the old favorites and I have it scheduled out to the minute, when the turkey goes in, when the potatoes start, what time to roast the garlic. I make the turkey, stuffing (boxed with a lot of veggies and love added), pumpkin fritters, green-bean casserole, and biscuits (frozen). Russ makes the mashed potatoes and White Trash Krab Salad. At 4:00, whoever shows up is sitting and eating and laughing and talking. We make enough so that the next day I can make a giant turkey, stuffing, peas, and mashed potato casserole for anyone who wants to come over.

This year will be rough. Thanksgiving was my Daddy’s favorite holiday, too. I loved that he loved Russ’ Krab salad so much. He was so proud of me for doing it my way. He was so happy to be around his close family. This year I turn 39 two days before Thanksgiving, and yet I’ll still feel like a giddy little girl when we sit down to eat. I’ll be grateful for so many things. And I’ll also be profoundly sad. But I’ll get to laugh and cry and shovel food in my face at my own dining room table, because seven years ago I took Thanksgiving back. This is the Thanksgiving Garrett is growing up with. And I think that’s what I’m most thankful for.

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